


the sweetest perfection to call my own

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: missing scenes (civil war) [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Missing Scene, Stucky - Freeform, Your bucky, one kiss before we go, the shoulder squeeze
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 10:38:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7711786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They move together slowly as if they're standing in an empty dance hall with lights dimmed and hands full of unspoken promises. Carefully, Steve slips his arm across broad shoulders and waits.<br/>Your move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the sweetest perfection to call my own

Sometimes the best thing a person can do is to forgo cautiously dipping their toes into the water and dive in without questioning why or how.  Sometimes we take ourselves by surprise.

+

 _b ut I promise this_  
_I won't go my whole life telling you I don't need_  
_I'll tell you now_  
_I guess like I should have told you then_

_([the sweetest perfection](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zvx92CrYaRA)) _

+

All Steve knows is this: his hand is gripping Bucky's shoulder tight and it feels like warmth and home. The thought of letting go brings on a sickening feeling of déjà vu. They've been in this place before; this neutral medium with every breath measured, cautious. Bucky had made a vow on that day and Steve's heart held onto those words even when they were all he had left in the world. In 2014 he'd repeated them to the saddest tear filled blue eyes and prayed for death because surely it wouldn't hurt as much as the stranger with Bucky's face and cupids bow lips. 

But they're here now in 2016 with war on the horizon and everything on the line. If they're going to certain death together then he's having a proper goodbye this time. 

The ghost of a smile plays on Bucky's features as he turns into the touch, welcoming it. Steve squeezes once and it serves a dual purpose: _can I stay here_ and _is this okay?_ Given the hell Bucky has been through and how easily touch had became weaponized, it's surprising when he nods. Yes, you can touch me.  


They move together slowly as if they're standing in an empty dance hall with lights dimmed and hands full of unspoken promises.

Carefully, Steve slips his arm across broad shoulders and waits. 

Your move.

Bucky inhales a shaky breath and slides an arm around Steve's waist, fingers settling on a hipbone. 

Steve doesn't know whether to cry or pour his heart out right now. Both options are too much, too fast. Instead, he cautiously retracts his arm and skims over shoulder blades and the curve of a spine, slowly slowly. Decades have passed and Bucky's body has grown more muscular but Steve would know the edges and planes even on the darkest of days. 

Bucky shudders and his eyes close; long black lashes on stubbled cheeks. 

Steve wants like hes never wanted anything and, god, if Tony only knew what he was taking he wouldn't dare. In every universe Bucky is dead center and no amount of time passed or blood spilled will ever change that.

His hand moves to trail along Steve's torso where his ribs once stuck out against pale skin. His touch is delicate and feather soft like Steve might actually break if he applies pressure. 

And it's a definite possibility if this gentle unabashed exploration continues.

Before he has a chance to venture lower, perhaps run his fingers over the lower curve of Bucky's spine, he's tugged into Bucky's space. 

There's a heartfelt meaning attached to loved ones kissing their other halves goodbye as they're shipped off to war and it's usually reserved for heartbroken lovers left behind. It's the belief that if a kiss is strong enough it might carry him back to you. That the kiss would find him at night when your arms were home and he'd been away far too long.

And god knows they've paid their dues. They've returned from fighting old men's tired wars just in time to get caught up in another one but this time it's  _personal._

Steve's soldier is home, battle worn and feeling like his own country has shot him in the back. He deserves every kiss and then some.  


Bucky drops his head to Steve's collarbone and holds onto his suit with fists. It's the loudest _I love you_ that the world has never witnessed. It's twin elements of the deepest grief and hope. 

In turn, Steve presses a kiss to chilled sweat damp hair and encircles Bucky in his arms. For all the years he spent running after bullies for Steve, Steve now understands what it feels like to be on the other side. It's frightening and he'd never share this aloud but he feels powerless against his friends, against the government and every ounce of gravity that's pulling them apart.

He feels a smile against a clavicle bone and hopes it sticks there like a secret. 

They've always had a remarkable ability to communicate without speaking, much to the dismay of every teacher they'd shared. And right now Bucky is speaking but his lips are not moving. 

_ I have always wanted you _ , he says.

_ I'd die for this.  _

The feeling is more than mutual. It's stitched into every vessel in Steve's heart.  


Bucky raises his head and Steve's breath catches. He hasn't felt electric heat like this since that one fated night at the bar in '43. Bucky had whispered for him to follow then he'd led them outside to a wooded area overgrown with weeds. That was Steve's first real kiss and the moment he'd found out what love was really about. 

He swallows hard and smooths a hand over the scar on Bucky's chin. He'd taken a vicious cut from a kid with a pocket knife when they were eleven then came out swinging. It's comforting to know that this part of him remains; physical proof that he was there. They were there together.

It's Bucky who finds it harder to breathe this time. His breath comes out ragged and hot against Steve's fingers. 

Your move.

Bucky finds himself leaning in like he'd been waiting nearly his entire life to do. Sometimes he swears he was born to exist with Steve as if they were two souls stitched into one. The serrated edge of time hasn't dulled that feeling. 

His palm finds the nape of Steve's neck and gives it a tiny tug forward.  

Gravitate toward me. I'll be the earth and you can be my sun. 

Steve's hands are shaky when he curls them under Bucky's underarms and holds onto his back. If Bucky is returning the affection then he's not taking what doesn't belong to him, this is okay. For that matter, Bucky Barnes has been _his_ since they'd claimed one another on the schoolyard too many years ago. 

Bucky hesitates for half a second before pressing a lingering kiss to Steve's lips. In this warm cocoon, they can be anything. They can emerge stronger and with the wisdom of knowing, without a doubt, that the best things are worth waiting and dying for. 

He just barely resists the urge to latch onto Bucky's body and stay until the earth is no longer tilting in the wrong direction. Bucky isn't a one off who is simply filling a need, no. He's many things but never that. To love him is to stop counting seconds and _what if_ 's. You must walk before you can run and he deserves to be touched in a way that he hasn't since 1943.  


Feeling bold or perhaps stupid, he parts Bucky's lips with his tongue. The last time he'd heard Bucky making these small needy sounds of pleasure was when he and Ruth Daniels were necking in the living room of their shared apartment. Knowing that _he_ caused it this time is exhilarating. The kiss turns heated and desperate with lips kiss bruised  and spit slick as one caress leads to another.   


Stubble rubs against Steve's freshly shaved face as they kiss. He makes a low sound in his throat at the contact, _never stop doing what you're doing_. It's too bad that it took him this long to realize how good it could feel on heated skin when it's with the right person. His cheeks and chin will hold onto that feeling for days after with pinked evidence on every inch that hungry wet lips had covered. 

Unfortunately it cannot last forever and paradise doesn't include dodging bullets but the call of war waits for no one. There will be no tender afterglow spent confessing buried feelings or overthinking. 

Bucky leans in for one last kiss. It's over before it even began and that's just cruel but it's time to face the music. They can't hide from the world. Not when it's waiting for them  to fall so it can kick them while they're down.

"Ready?," Steve whispers. He has yet to release Bucky and if the fact that his nose is now buried in Bucky's neck is anything to go by, he's scared. How Steve's face looks and the way he holds his body in such a rigid manner gives away his fear. His mannerisms are one of the many stubborn things about Steve that had banged around in Bucky's head for two years. 

"No."

Steve dots a single kiss along the underside of Bucky's jawline. There's beauty in how the body naturally moves through all of the five senses when it recognizes the one it loves. The smell of Bucky's skin and the taste of it on Steve's tongue is imprinted on his brain, his heart. He couldn't simply wake up one day without remembering how it felt to kiss Bucky or to not feel the beat of _his_ heart in Steve's chest. He'd tried after coming out of the ice. It had been a brilliant failure.  


"Me neither," he confesses. 

To the world he's a fearless leader but here in this small space he is Steve Rogers who is only human. Above all else he's Steven Grant Rogers from Brooklyn, New York who would gladly hold his best friends hand at the end of the world. 

Bucky collects his firearms and Steve picks up his shield. 

Into the fray once more. 

**Author's Note:**

> an offer was made  
> an assorted collection  
> but I wouldn't trade  
> the sweetest perfection  
> {deftones}


End file.
